I wanted to write this not because there aren’t a ton of perspectives on polyamory out there. However, my perspective isn’t out there and I still think that I have something of value to offer. I think back to the beginning of when I looked back to wanting a polyamorous relationship bright-eyed and bushy-tailed missing the entire fucking point of it all but I will get to that later.
When I started living a poly lifestyle I stumbled upon it semi-unconventionally because my boyfriend was cheating on me, and I decided it was okay. Let be back track. I didn’t decide it was okay because I had low self-esteem and I didn’t care about myself. I just didn’t care that much honestly. I was more upset that he lied to me than the cheating part. We kinda resolved that and had an open relationship. I never believed you had to love just one person. I believed that you could love more than one person. Love is not finite but limitless.
I later had a foray into swinging and liked it for a number of years. BDSM for longer than that but something was missing. And it seemed like it was poly. So there i was looking for Missing pieces to a puzzle of relationship(s) people who were into all these different things that appealed to the multiple facets of me. For 8 years, I searched. Multiple relationships, lovers, swing parties, BDSM parties, scenes, etc. later. I had a fucking aha moment. I felt like I was trying to piece together a relationship from these fragments of relationships, and that’s why things just weren’t really working.
Don’t get me wrong. I truly have infinite love for multiple people at the same time. Have no problems doing it on any occasion. The intricacies and complexities of a polyamorous relationship come naturally to me. Maybe I just haven’t found the right people. But as I think, if you could find every thing you needed, and most of what you wanted in one person, would you keep looking? Why the fuck do you think stores like Walmart and Target do so well? One Stop Shopping! I believe that a polyamorous believer is one who believes in the possibility of multiple loves doesn’t mean he or she is a current practitioner. Just like if ur married to a man and don’t sleep with women doesn’t make u any less bisexual to me. But that’s my opinion. I can be a polyamorous woman in a monogamous relationship. Doesn’t mean I am any less satisfied.
I think that many people do well in polyamorous relationships, open relationships, swinging relationships, and various other forms of non-monogamy. However, I pose to you a philosophical question, if you could get everything you wanted, desired, needed, looking for, etc. in the person you have, would you keep looking? If so why? I understand for some it may physically impossible for such things to exist. One partner is bisexual and the other can’t be two genders at once. Makes sense. What I have come to learn is no matter how you love, do it your way. Make your own rules. As long as you aren’t infringing on anyone else’s rights be who you are because at the end of the day, the only person that you have to account to is you.